idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
