yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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