I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
