We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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