i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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