No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
