Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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