The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
