i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
