My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
