My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
