i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
