I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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