wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
