I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
