So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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