I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
