Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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