yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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