Screwed.edu
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
