I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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