He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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