i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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