Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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