New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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