i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
