just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
