Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
