You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
