You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
