Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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