I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
