I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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