ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
