Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
