he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
