ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
