I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
