He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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