Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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