Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
