Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
