seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
