Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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