lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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