You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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