im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
