man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
