is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone shit on the floor
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
