I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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