do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
