The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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